[Channel Open]
[Incoming Transmission from Psi Phi, Office of Communications]

Minutes

(03/14/2001)

Call To Order: 10:04 (now)([item deleted for security reasons])pm

Attendance:

• Joel Oberdieck (Captain)
• Julie Faas (First Officer)
• David Henderson (Chief of Operations)
• Meg Callender (Grand Nagus)
• Ray Kremer (Constable)
• Kenny Albright (Communications Officer)
• Marisa Bonomo
• Kate Cavanaugh
• Chris Johnson
• Chris Kaergard
• Amy Lewis
• Carl Murphy
• Aaron Nevitt
• C. Adam Scott

Minutes: Summarized and approved.

• Adam was actually right about nihilism last week. So his official "wrong" total last meeting was 2, for those of you keeping score.
• The Constable proceeds to issue a de jure bapping of everyone who is currently making abusive overuse of "now".
• It is noted that Carl always needs bapping.
• Aaron points out the similarities between our constitutionally protected (and enshrouded) bapper and the Klingon painstik.
• Carl falls to the floor, and Kate puts the boot in. (In other words, she proceeds to kick him senseless, which he seems to enjoy.)
• Greedo oversees the proceedings. All hail Judge Greedo!
• By captain's request, Carl is still a [item deleted for security reasons].
• Marisa arrives at 10:19.
• By the Captain's decree, all future minutes will not mention the Captain. By extension, they will not mention any of his flaws, fallacies, mistakes, or errors, either, which means the minutes will be about 10% as long as they are now.

Committee Reports:

• No report. Applause occurs.

• Adam takes his coat off, and expounds at length upon the features of Taoism. Something about how existence flows like a stream, and takes the path of least resistance, or something. [What do I look like, a dictaphone?]
• As such, Adam states, "I will just say 'no report.'"
• No report. Scattered applause is detected.

Officers' Reports:

• No minutes. No nanoprobes. No profit. (sigh)
• David has generously donated two books to the Psi Phi Library, which will be available for perusal immediately.
• The books are Against the Odds by Elizabeth Moon, and the Chrestomanci Quartet by Diana Wynne Jones.
• They're general sci-fi/fantasy type stuff, which David got by mistake from the book club, and he didn't feel like returning them.
• This incident is another fine example of how our club profits from never taking action on anything, and also how we profit from David being our guru.
• In conclusion, since the Comm Officer is also the Psi Phi Librarian, go see him if you want to borrow a book.
• Chris J. reports that Blockbuster is selling off their old nonprofitable sci-fi videos. Now might be a good time to pick up on a couple bargains.

• "Sir, we've analyzed their pattern of attack and there is some danger. We've readied your personal shuttle for launch."
• Everything's under control.

• The current balance is $387.88. The Nagus initially misreports this as $3.88, which leads the club to wonder who the embezzler is.

• The Trivia contest is well underway at the website, www.psiphi.org.
• No members of Psi Phi can win, but you can still play along and see how hardcore a Trekker you really are!

• This week's Douglas Adams Quote of the Week is from The Restaurant at the End of the Universe:
• "A doctor, a logician, and a marine biologist had just arrived, flown in at phenomenal expense from the University of Maximegalor to argue with the lead singer, who had locked himself into the bathroom with a bottle of pills until it could be conclusively proved to him that he was not a fish."
• On a related note, it has been conclusively proven that Julie is not a fish.

• Earlier today was pi. Marisa is almost bapped for reciting pi. Bap! Bap! Bap! Bap!
• Carl makes a weird noise. David asks, "When does he not?"
• Ray sings the Letters song, as we have mail.
• Mail:
  • Stuff for the ACBU Campus Carnival Expo 2000
  • Propaganda from Volunteer Vibe
  • A flyer promoting the Best Buddies program, which helps the mentally disabled. Joel thinks it sounds cool.
  • The motion is made that Psi Phi donate $20 to Best Buddies; it is approved unanimously.

Scifi News:

• David has color printouts of the three Gateway covers that were in black and white last week.
• New books due out in April include The Definitive ST Trivia Book, Volume 2, by Jill Sherwin.
• While trying to think of a synomym for "shrunk", the Comm Officer comes up with "antirebiggifying."
• Chris J. arrives at 10:36. He and Meg conspire about some some midterm paper, including the ominous phrase, "Triple-spaced, Courier 12 font."
• The Captain wants a cannon; the requisitioning process begins.
• Ray, exercising his extensive martial-law powers as constable, baps Amy.
• Specific disorder ensues in the form of security riots, which the Constable eventually quells.
• Chris throws the Comm Officer a blue slipper, which Carl then claims.
• The First Officer silences everyone, and David's News continues.
• Also coming soon is John Vornholt's The Genesis Wave, Book 2, in hardcover.
• David has a printout from www.trektoday.com of the cast rumors for the fifth ST series; Adam promptly steals the list.
• Also, David has bizarre, outlandish, and completely unfounded rumors for the new DS9 book series.
• The club momentarily becomes silent, and the Nagus comments on it, thereby destroying it. [See Futurama quote below]
• Next week's Voyager will be a repeat, but the week after, they will show "Q2", the final Voyager episode with Q. [Editor's note: UPN later changed this, and the episode will be shown two weeks from tonight's meeting; that is, they will air it on April 4.]
• The ratings for the second episode of The Lone Gunman were down about 35% from the first, but that's typical for a new series.
• In case anyone wants to know, Senator Strom Thurmond is 98.
• The Comm Officer is twice hit by the Captain. The Nagus is hit by the Captain repeatedly.
• Season 3 of Farscape begins this Friday on the Sci Fi Channel! Interested persons can watch The Lone Gunman at 8 and then Farscape from 10 to 12, as there is a Farscape special before the episode at 11.
• The X-Files returns for a new season on April 1 - no foolin'!
• JMS's run as writer for the Amazing Spider-Man comic begins next month.
• The "repo pirate" idea has been carried to new levels with the new commercial, featuring attempted repo gladiators! Debate ensues as to whether or not they are actually "repo."
• Futurama quote: "No fair! You changed the quantum finish when you measured it."
• [Motion stricken for security reasons.]
• Regarding the above stricken motion, the Captain exclaims, "God, how I hate democracy!" [I know, I know, technically this should have been stricken as well, but I thought it was funny, so I invoked my Soviet revisionist powers as Secretary of the Central Committee. Deal with it!]
• The Comm Officer mentions www.yesterdayland.com as a website where they talk about all those great Saturday morning cartoon shows you watched as a kid, and thought were so awesome. [Or "rad". I guess it would have been "rad" in the 80's.]

Adjournment: 10:52 (emsmalled)(australopithecus)(bloody Taco Bell dog splattered against the wall)pm