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Domestic violence victim and survivor Stacy Kabat spoke on campus Wednesday.
She urged the audience members to actively fight against this human rights
violation. Photo by Cheryl Costanzo.
Victim and survivor Stacey Kabat asked students to join with her to fight domestic violence by "making our voices heard" during her lecture Wednesday night.
Kabat is the founder and executive director of Battered Women Fighting Back!, a Boston-based human rights agency that addresses the severity of domestic violence.
She also is the 1992 recipient of the Reebok Human Rights Award for her work in raising consciousness about domestic violence as a human rights violation, and is fighting to "uphold a universal human rights standard for all people," including victims of such abuse.
"How many of you know someone who has been affected by domestic violence?" Kabat began by asking the more than 75 people gathered in Neumiller Lecture Hall.
When about three-fourths of the audience raised their hands, Kabat said asking that question "helps me feel a little more comfortable and gives me the ability to talk."
Kabat is the daughter and granddaughter of battered women, and has devoted her life to assisting victims of domestic violence and ensuring their rights.
After all, Kabat said, "domestic violence is the leading cause of death to women--more than rapes, muggings and auto accidents combined."
When Kabat first began working with victims of domestic abuse in a shelter in Massachusetts, she began to feel less alone.
"This was the first time that I had ever met other women and kids who had lived with my family's secret," she said.
It was then that Kabat began to wonder why "all over this country, women and children were living as domestic refugees."
"We'd stay up late, smoke our cigarettes and tell our stories that we were never supposed to tell," Kabat said.
In conjunction with her lecture, Kabat showed a documentary she co-directed called "Defending Our Lives," which earned an Academy Award in 1993 for best short documentary.
After the film, which told the stories of four women serving time in prison for killing their batterers, Kabat asked the audience to voice their feelings.
"Numb," "angry," "mad as hell," "helpless and scared," "disgusted," and "blessed," were some of the opinions called out by students, faculty, and members of the community who came to listen and watch.
One woman who viewed the film said, "everything that every woman said--that's me."
"I'm here because I need each and every one of you to think that we can stop this," Kabat said, "because we can--it's our generation's task."
There are four myths that keep domestic abuse from being recognized as a serious issue in this country, according to Kabat.
First, the problem of domestic violence is thought to be "not that bad," and "something that only happens to other people," she said.
Domestic violence also is widely accepted as a family problem. "We're supposed to keep it to ourselves,Ó she said. "Put up and shut up."
"But those of us on the inside need your help."
Control is another area of misinformation, Kabat said.
"Violence has never been about someone losing control; it's about someone trying to exert their power of control over another individual or group of individuals," she said.
Lastly, we tend to blame the victim, Kabat said.
"She asked for it," "she likes it," "she's a slut," or "she provoked me" are common responses both Kabat and audience members mentioned as reasons why women are abused.
"We need to decide that each and every one of us upholds a human rights standard in our lives and our communities," she said. "No one deserves violence or abuse, period."
We also need to get basic facts and information out to everyone in the community and "in our creative ways, have the confidence that we can make a change," she said.
"I believe peace in the world begins at home," she added.
"The Clothesline Project," a traveling exhibition designed to bear witness to the violence against women, was displayed outside Neumiller during Kabat's appearance.
The exhibit is a clothesline hung with shirts decorated to reflect each woman's personal violent experience, either by the survivor herself, or by a loved one.
It is an attempt to break the silence about this issue and to "air society's dirty laundry," according to the National Organization for Women.
If domestic violence affects your life or that of someone you care about, call 1-800-559-SAFE for help.